25 Sep

“Don’t worry; we tip well.”

How many times have I heard that line, right after a guest just acted like an ass? I can’t seem to follow the logic of it: you treat me poorly, but it’s okay, because you’re going to pay me for my suffering? Sounds like a beautiful agreement.

Excuse me, you might treat your wife that way, but I’d rather not be the victim of your neurotic worldview. (A lot of women use this line too, usually when they are out in groups, drunk, and being embarrassingly needy.) 

“Don’t worry; we tip well.”

 How insulting,  the implication is that I’m a whore –faking this smile– and that I’m just going to  have to endure the pounding for the next hour.  And that’s okay, because at the end of the night, there’s gonna be cash on the table.

And not too much cash, mind you, because we all know that anyone who has to announce their generosity,  clearly has anxiety about being percieved as a scum-bag.  “Don’t worry, I tip well, I tip well.” It’s a  lot like a racist saying, “Dont’ worry, I have black friends,” or a flaming closet-case saying, “Don’t worry, I like pussy.” And my responses respectively are, “Okay, NAME them,” and, “well EAT IT then.”

I’m worried, man, I am WORRIED about you, when you say that line. You know what wouldn’t make me worry so much? If you’d stop the oppressive barbs coming from your mouth, just started  talking to me a like person.


2 Responses to “DON’T WORRY; WE TIP WELL.”

  1. Nick Boodris October 10, 2010 at 3:12 am #

    I’ve heard the “don’t worry, we tip well” line also. After serving these morons at the bar for over an hour with food and drinks, the tip went to the other bartender with the comment; “when we found out you were the owner’s son, we just don’t tip owners or their family.” Okay wise ass I replied, when you go get your hair cut and the owner of the shop cuts your hair, do you tip him. No he said. Do me a favor I said. Next time you come in, don’t sit at my end of the bar. I’m a firm believer, whoever performs a service for you and the srvice was good, a tip should be in order.

    • theinsidewaiter October 10, 2010 at 9:01 am #

      Wow. That’s a “reason” for not tipping, that I’ve never heard of before: being related to the owners. How bizarre. Thanks for this strange story. I’m glad you told them off.

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